Website Revamp and a Poem

Over the last two years, I’ve written a lot of content for this blog, and as I was rereading through it, I realized that I needed to organize it.

You’ll be able to find all my old content under the new pages I’ve created. All new content will appear first as a blog post, and then, at the end of each month, I will file all categorical content in its correct place.

The only exception to that is my writing. While I will post anything I write that I have written recently (i.e. in the current year) ,all the content I have written in the past will be automatically added to the relevant page.

With that out of the way, here is my most recent poem:


They taught me trust was foolish

and, in my ignorance, I believed

them, and I pushed everyone—

and everything—away.


I even pushed myself out

of my own mind—conveniently

forgot that I was more than

just the flesh I wore.


I turned my mind into a refuge

because I only felt safe there.

Safe from the judgment and criticism

heaped upon me by the people who

were supposed to love me most.


I learned to see myself as less than.

Less than perfect, less than human.

Less than ever good enough.

I. Became. Worthless.


Even when the people around me

raved to me about my strength,

nowhere inside of me could I

believe they spoke the truth.


Their perception of my strength

warred against my vision of the

weakness serving to define me—

if only in my mind.


And, every day, I fought the desire

to give up, to let myself stop

caring, to let myself succumb

to the numbness I struggled

so hard to keep at bay.


Couldn’t they see the weakness

raging inside of me,

competing for the right to

be the victor of my insanity,

as I struggled to take a breath

that wasn’t filled with pain?


But no.

They couldn’t see.


Because they saw what I couldn’t.

They saw the truth of my strength and

the facade of my fears of being me.


And slowly–oh, so slowly–

I started to crawl out of

the cave inside myself where

I’d hid every part of myself

except my flaws and imperfections.


I began to see myself as more than the

nothing I’d created in my mind, and I

somehow managed to accept that

I had always been good enough.

That I had crafted delusions of ineptness

and forced myself to live by them.

And, for the first time, I didn’t feel ashamed.


Because I knew those delusions had

served to keep me safe from the

monsters who masqueraded as

my parents, who always failed

to love me the way a child deserves

to be loved.


They pushed me into believing that

I would never be good enough for

anyone to love because they

never loved me.


Or, if they did,

they loved me in a way

impossible to comprehend.

Screamed worthless and stupid

at me like endearments of affection,

so that I grew up feeling like a burden.


But the people who weren’t my family

coaxed me out into the open,

saw the truth of me in such a way

they made me see it, too.


They made me see the strength in

the way I refuse to let the past

define me, and the way I have

released the need to judge myself

for the things I could not control.


And I have learned to be good enough.

Now, even when I make mistakes, I can

let them go without calling myself worthless.

Because, for the first time in my life,

I. Am. Whole.



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